I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize