Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
