Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize