New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had sex on a roof
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
