Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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