i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
