Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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