if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
