She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
