do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
