Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
