My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
sex in a hospital.. check
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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