the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize