Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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