We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
