I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
