my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
