i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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