my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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