Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
