Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
