she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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