I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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