i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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