Betty ford says i'm here all night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
