ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
