Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize