I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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