I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
