Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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