god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize