Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
