I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
