He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
