He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
