And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
