His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
