Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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