just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
