I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
