I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
