you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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