I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
