Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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