i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
