Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
