I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just pee around me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
