don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
