so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
