you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
