did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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