you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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