You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My ass is underappreciated
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize