I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
