so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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