I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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