We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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