two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
