We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
