Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
