i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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