And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
