So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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