THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
