At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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