I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
