So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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