He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
