He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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