census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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