I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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