so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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