so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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