That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
