My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
