I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
