the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
