did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
