You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize