Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
