I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just gargled with NyQuil
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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