I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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