i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
