So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think a kid would responsible me up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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