She is in my trunk
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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