Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize