Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
