I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
