sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
