I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
