I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
