walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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