i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
