if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
