Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
