Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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