We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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