He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
