He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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