Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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