Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
