my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
