Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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