I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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