If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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