I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
