so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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