thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
