remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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